Finn Hall

Figuring out your orientation can be complicated.  In a society where most of us are expected to be straight, it can be difficult to take a step back and ask whether you’re gay, straight, or something else.  You’re the only person who can figure out what your orientation truly is.

It all started with a sex dream — does this mean what I think it means?  Many of us grow up to assume that we’re straight only to find out, later, that we’re not.  Sometimes, we realize this because we have sex dreams, sexual thoughts, or feelings of intense attraction toward people of the same gender as us.  However, none of those things — sex dreams, sexual thoughts, or even feelings of intense attraction — necessarily “prove” your orientation.  Having a sex dream about someone of the same gender as you doesn’t necessarily make you gay. Having a sex dream about someone of the opposite gender doesn’t necessarily make you straight.

There are a few different forms of attraction.  When it comes to orientation, we usually refer to romantic attraction (who you have strong romantic feelings for and desire a romantic relationship with) and sexual attraction (who you want to engage in sexual activity with).  Sometimes we’re romantically and sexually attracted to the same groups of people. Sometimes we’re not.  For example, it’s possible to be romantically attracted to men but sexually attracted to men, women, and nonbinary people. This sort of situation is called “mixed orientation” or “cross orientation” — and it’s totally OK.

This is known as gender variance or gender incongruence and can be an indication that you may be transgender.  It can manifest itself as mild to severe feelings of "being in the wrong body" or maybe not identifying with either of the accepted genders and is a complex web of differences.  These feelings can also alter at times as well as fluctuate in intensity but they are unlikely to ever completely go away.  You are the only person who can determine your true identity but a professional can help you to clarify this situation.

Due to their nature, the dichotomy between your body and the way that you identify as, can be very severe and cause extreme feelings of depression and despair and unless addressed can lead to suicidal ideation and is, thus, a very serious condition.  You can help these feelings by various measures such as changing the way you express yourself or present yourself in ways that are more applicable to the gender to which you identify the most, or less like that which you identify with the least.

To be continued.

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